E-Zine

Issue 002

Now I'm talking here / Page 2

Stanley David Woods

Author: Luke Wright
Illustrator: Erica Read
So here’s a thing: a grim suburban street
that’s tutted at by Daily Mail moaners
the kind you find where towns and ring roads meet
the kind where pitbulls look just like their owners

and leave upon the pavements greasy turds
a place devoid of Priuses and flannels
There lives a man who once fought like a bird
while in a Spitfire, high above the Channel.

Who spends his days between his house and town
his quiet self-awareness half estranged
pointing at buildings, muttering with a frown:
That’s changed, that’s changed, that’s changed, that’s changed, that’s changed.

Flight lieutenant Stanley David Woods
who lately had felt something was amiss
who liked the black and white of bad and good
who’s silent mantra went something like this:

I’ll stand up to my enemy
No matter what he throws at me
I’ll fight until I cannot stand.
And though I pray the victor’s me
I hope I have the strength I need
To meet the sod and shake his hand.


Until one bleak and stormy winter’s evening
old Stan was lying restless slightly hoarse
(just shy of snores but more than heavy breathing)
when he heard his back door being forced.

Lurching out of bed he grabbed a coal scuttle
down his staircase screaming bloody death
the burglars scarpered after some kafuffle
as Stan lay on the floor grasping for breath.

And soon the neighbours came and made a fuss
they picked him up and help him clear the mess
they said: The dibs don’t help out folk like us.
Here Stan, what you should do is phone the press.


The locals then the nationals came like mugs
Valiant Spitfire Veteran Left For Dead
Britain is awash with Nasty Thugs!
But Stanley David Woods just quietly said:

I’ll stand up to my enemy
No matter what he throws at me
I’ll fight until I cannot stand.
And though I pray the victor’s me
I hope I have the strength I need
To meet the sod and shake his hand.


The tabloid papers seized on Stanley’s song
Such bloody minded, bloody British Gusto
makes you proud to know that you belong
to Cricket! Red Phone boxes! Beef and Bisto!


The middle England rags all set their stands.
In ninety point Helvetica declared:
Step forward, say you’re sorry, shake his hand
and we’ll forgive you everything, we swear.


And soon the whole of Britain was behind them
Face up to what you’ve done they said in polls.
Groups of burly men set out to find them
eventually detectives got involved.

Meanwhile the nation turned its head to Stan,
his private mantra publicly enshrined -
school teachers worked it into lesson plans
their interactive white boards bore these lines:

I’ll stand up to my enemy
No matter what he throws at me
I’ll fight until I cannot stand.
And though I pray the victor’s me
I hope I have the strength I need
To meet the sod and shake his hand.


Eventually the cops won through with science:
a clue outside left where the burglars lurked.
It turns out one had dropped his drivers licence
it’s hardly CSI but still it worked.

An open/shut conviction promptly happened
then Stan was wheeled out to do the deed
I’m sorry said the burglar to much clapping
I forgive you lad, now go home free.

The assembled press and public burst out laughing -
You must be kidding Stanley he’s a crook
We’ve glad he’s sorry but he still needs gassing
step aside so we can throw the book!


The circus over, Stanley went home sapped
though hopeful even when he lost his health
that every now and then an angry chap
might whisper that old mantra to himself:

I’ll stand up to my enemy
No matter what he throws at me
I’ll fight until I cannot stand.
And though I pray the victor’s me
I hope I have the strength I need
To meet the sod and shake his hand.

Luke Wright is one of the best-loved poets on the UK scene. His work for television, The Seven Ages of Love, brought record numbers of viewers to a poetry-based show, and pretty much everything he has ever done has received five stars from Time Out. Erica Read is a London-based illustrator, whose website was posted our way via Twitter and which we have been enamoured with since.

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